Sickle Cell Warriors

Articles

 Breaking News

Finding Love with Sickle Cell

Finding Love with Sickle Cell

Is it possible to find love with sickle cell? Read Kena’s amazing story and then you be the judge.

Kena is an amazing, dynamic woman. I first met her on the SCW Facebook page, and she is such a supportive member of the community that we instantly clicked. During one of our many discussions, she mentioned the love of her life, and she was full of such radiant positivity and LOVE, that I just had to delve further into her relationships and love life. Kena has graciously allowed us to have a window into her radiant joy, and I know that you will be touched just like I was.

Okay, let us start at the very beginning. Tell us about your early relationships.

Hey everyone. My first “real” boyfriend that I loved was at age 15. However, I didn’t have a serious relationship until I was 17. I met him at a club and we did not like one another initially. It’s so coincidental that our respective best friends met that same night and began dating. The four of us would hang out together and eventually dislike turned to like and like to love.
Awww, early romance are so sweet! Have you ever been dumped because you had sickle cell? Tell us about your last 2 heartbreaks…

I’ve been blessed to never have a relationship end due to the Sickle Cell. I was with John about five years and because it was interracial, our differences and him being uncomfortable with them caused the break-up. He was never content with the race issue but truly loved me. I only met his daughter, but noone else in his family nor did we ever go out with any of his friends. Whenever we did go out, it was never anywhere he may run into someone he knew. Eventually that became to much for me and we parted as friends agreeing we could not build a life that way.

My last heartbreak was a very difficult one because we were engaged. I thought I had found forever and he was fantastic about the Sickle Cell. He was always there when I needed him. The reason we parted was he had a drinking problem that he hid from me. Once we were living together he could no longer keep up the ruse. I was completely devastated to the point that I no longer wanted a mate.

So sad. So Kena, after such a devastating breakup, how were you able to give love another chance, and actually open your heart again?

Fortunately, I have an amazing support system surrounding me. GOD, my family, friends, and church family were right there through it all. I then concentrated on my Christian walk searching for answers. Soon I realized he was not the person GOD intended for me and I was headed for an even greater heartache if I would have gotten married. I had never lived with a man because I didn’t believe in it. Living with him was a blessing in disguise which woke me up to the truth.

I hoped that one day I would find the right man but had doubts because I was 42 and had Sickle Cell. I then resigned to the idea that I would probably spend the rest of my life alone.

Kena D.


How did you handle the topic of sickle cell with guys that you dated? Did you wait, or tell them right away? What was the reaction, and what set this relationship apart from all the others?

I started telling men about my illness right away after someone I was dating broke it off because I didn’t tell him sooner. I had waited a few months and told him from a hospital bed. I feel if he cannot handle it, I would rather know from the start. This relationship has been different from the very beginning. Even though we had only been talking eight days, he had already captured my heart. For the first time I was afraid to tell someone because if he said he could not handle it, I would have been crushed.
That is such a tremendous burden. It must have been completely nerve-wracking. How did he take it when you finally told him and how was his reaction different from your previous relationships?

He listened intently, asked  questions, and then said it was okay. I thought it was amazing but what I didn’t expect was that he researched the illness online. A few hours later he called me with more questions. One in particular almost ended things. He was concerned about the life expectancy being that I am in my 40’s. I did my best to explain things and held my breath hoping he would stay. With tears flowing down my face I realized that I was losing him. So I told him that I would understand if it was more than he wanted to deal with and that I would always be his friend. He paused, took a deep breath, and then asked me if I loved him. Without hesitation I said yes! He sighed and said “Stop crying, I’m not going anywhere.” The difference this time versus the others was that he took the time to read about the disease. His questions showed a real interest. That made it even more special.
THUD! I heart your man. You are one lucky lady Kena! So how has your new Sweetheart made an impact in your sickle cell journey?

We currently live in different states so the support is primarily emotional. He is very health conscious and has offered me plenty of suggestions on how to improve my quality of life and lifespan. I am implementing some of them such as eating healthier foods and exercising now. He is very supportive and shows that he cares daily. Always asking how I feel, if I took my medication, what/if I ate, and my general activity. I have a terrible sweet tooth and used to have regular junk food binges.

When I was visiting him for two weeks, I developed a bad pain in my stomach. He woke and could tell immediately something was wrong despite my efforts to hide it from him. “What’s wrong,” he asked? I told him I was hurting. He reached his hand toward me asked me to come here. I got back in the bed and laid beside him. I told him I was having severe stomach pain while trying to hold back the tears. He took me in his arms, held me close, and asked what he could do. I asked him to lay on my stomach because the pressure relieved the pain some. He did as he held me tight, wiped my tears, and told me everything would be okay. He didn’t leave my side until the medicine finally began to work and I drifted off to sleep. He should have been sleeping himself because he works nights and had not rested long enough but he was more concerned about me. He waited on me when I woke and did not want me to do anything until I felt I was able to without making it worse. I felt so loved and well taken care of by him. He is genuinely a caring person.


I think every woman reading that must have a tear in her eye. He is amazing!!! So did you ask him to get tested for his HbS type? Are you thinking about having kids?

I did not ask him to get tested because we do not plan to have anymore children. I have a son and he has three kids from his previous marriage. I did have my son’s father tested before we had a child. However, my sweetheart and I have discussed this issue and due to my age (43) and the Sickle Cell, we feel it is not the right choice.  Our plan is to get my tubes tied. Although we agree if we were younger we would have tried to have at least one child. But combined, we have four wonderful children together and there’s always grandchildren.
Is there any advice you would like to share with anyone reading this?
Be honest! Having Sickle Cell is nothing to be ashamed of. It is easier to tell the person upfront then wait and risk heartache. If you decide to move forward in the relationship educate your partner and let them see you vulnerable. Talk about what you want in the future. Be realistic in your goals. Only you truly know your body and capabilities. If you decide to have children, please ask your partner to get tested so you can make an informed decision together. If you’ve been hurt before, don’t be afraid to open your heart again. Listen to your instincts and enjoy yourself. The man I love came into my life for the first time 32 years ago. We reconnected through Facebook and are now madly in love despite the illness or distance. Love can be waiting anywhere at anytime but usually happens when you least expect it.

Thank you Kena for sharing your story and experiences with us all.  I am sure that many can relate, and many have learned from it. Plus, there are a few ladies secretly crushing on your sweetheart! Congratulations for finding love with sickle cell and not allowing SC to stop you from living and loving. Give my regards to your Sweetheart.

Related posts:

Tags
Share

About Author

Sickle Cell Warrior

Sickle Cell Warrior

Tosin is dedicated to perpetuating healthy and positive messages about sickle cell. Although sickle cell is a subject often taboo in the communities this condition is most prevalent, Tosin’s message is that sickle cell is not something to be ashamed of and you can live a rich and fulfilling life with sickle cell. Sickle cell warriors are the most amazing people in the world, with a great fortitude for compassion, willpower and strength.

Related Articles

13 Comments

  1. Nutty
    Nutty January 19, 01:59

    wow…this is inspiring and comforting

  2. suzi
    suzi January 19, 18:01

    This is a very inspiring story. I am glad to hear that you have found someone who loves you for you and is not running away from the challenges you both may face. May God continue to bless you both.

  3. Bennie
    Bennie January 19, 23:51

    This is so inspiring

  4. Fanny
    Fanny January 23, 02:53

    I find that it is magnificent what occurred for you and I hope for you that that will last for a long time.

  5. emjay
    emjay February 25, 23:43

    Am happy for her bcos it is nt easy for an ss patient to get who luv them the way she narrated her husband love to her.

  6. cresda
    cresda November 13, 13:20

    I loved your story..I myself fell in love with a man who has SCA. I do not have it. I have two boys and he has no children. He is 45yrs old. We have been connected since June of this year and it has just grown. He also is in love with me but is fearful of me having to go through seeing him in crisis. Fears I may can not handle it.

  7. yommex3
    yommex3 January 24, 01:36

    am so touch and may God Almighty bless ur union …. am not SS but will love to marry one …is there a warrior out there like kena. ? kindly get in touch lets get to know eachother My email is ” vesselsofhonour@yahoo.com ” God bless you.

  8. Luv75
    Luv75 April 01, 19:47

    indeed it is a wonderful story; I am married with a man who has SCA. Like many he didn’t tell me he had this disease. it’s been 5yrs and I am finding out the full extent of this disease. He seems to be ashamed of it; maybe he was hurt before and decided not to tell me. I love him very much and it’s very hard to see him go through the pain he has to endure. Many times I wish I can carry his pain. Since he’s very secretive with it I rarely see him in pain; and by the grace of God he hasn’t been in a hospital for it. He’s everything to me. It is now that I’m taking the time to research and learn more about this disease; which is answering many uncertain things in our relationship. No matter what I will stick it through. I vow through sickness and health, and nothing will separate us till death do us part. I pray that God continue blessing all of you.

  9. shalom
    shalom December 06, 12:07

    NYC story n touching my prayers is DAT it last forever n I also pray for my fellow warriors and i to have such a partner

  10. Louisa
    Louisa July 18, 12:45

    Oh no!! I am so sorry to hear that! How much water did you add? If you di;#2n8&17dt want to actually blend anything in, you could mix it with a sweet fruit juice instead of water. I also added a few drops of stevia to mine because they really aren’t very sweet. But that really sucks that it didn’t agree with you I’m glad you ordered a sample first, too!

  11. Steve_95
    Steve_95 August 19, 14:23

    Happy for You, it’s not that easy to find love as a guy who is a sickler.

  12. jas
    jas March 23, 13:57

    Your comment.touching story,i have been dumped because i have sickle cell.am now lonely and sad

  13. Jas
    Jas March 23, 14:01

    Your comment..very touching, i have been dumped because of sickle cell.am now sad and lonely

Write a Comment

Donate

Support awareness & education for SCD

Announcements

Sickle Cell PSA

From CT Sickle Cell Org---my favorite SCD PSA.

Join the Sickle Cell Warriors Database

Become a warrior. Sign up to be a team leader/member. Get contacted directly by SCW about events and research in your area. YOUR INFORMATION WILL NOT BE SHARED/SOLD TO ANY THIRD PARTIES. (See privacy policy)
Example SS, SC, Beta Thal, Monroe, etc.
You will receive pre-screened research opportunities on sickle cell disease
You will receive info about the sessions on the advocacy training classes
Read more here: http://sicklecellwarriors.com/classes/
* = required field
Interested in local meetups?




powered by MailChimp!

Join us on Facebook!

Archives

Tweets!

have data = false

This is a demo store for testing purposes — no orders shall be fulfilled. Dismiss